Yes, I have to confess, I have never really loved myself as much as I should have for most of my life. Being born and raised in Malaysia by Chinese Malaysian parents, I was always taught to strive to be better, a better daughter, a better sister, a better student, get a better grade and try harder. I never thought that I had been enough just as I was.
As a woman, I have always felt that people loved me for what I did for them. I bring value, I am helpful, I lift people up emotionally, and I am worthy because of what I do. I am brilliant in academic work and people like me because I lent them my homework. I am a cool friend, mentor, and caring big-sister. Deep down, I thought I always had to be good to be likable and accepted. I rarely showed people my vulnerabilities, I rarely break down to listen and be with my shadows.
When I finally decided to confront this restlessness in my soul, wondering if there is actually an end to this “striving”, I found Marisa Peer’s Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapy Masterclass on Mindvalley. Her lecture opened my world. I have been unconsciously living by so many limiting beliefs that were erroneous and harmful. So many ideas I had around relationships were based on my wounds from childhood which were inherited from my parents, who also never received healthy love and care from their parents. We were all operating with the belief that love needs to be earned. Nobody is enough as they are. Her webinar really helped me reexamine a lot of beliefs I had around abundance and self-love.
That was also when my best friend in Malaysia, Dinese decided to be trained as a hypnotherapist. We were both going through recent breakups so we met up in Chiang Mai for a sisters’ getaway and she gave me a few hypnotherapy sessions on self-worth, forgiveness and not-worrying. It was the most relaxing and magical therapy I’ve experienced at that point. My mind felt so at ease and indeed I felt like I was given new lenses to see myself and the world around me.
For a good few months after the sessions, I started falling more and more deeply in love with myself. Not in a narcissistic way but in a way like, why have I not appreciate this beautiful quirk, curves, flaws of you, dear Hui? You are so enough and so divinely beautiful just as you are. And as I traveled with my family to Barcelona, I was seeing the divine light and beauty in everyone I encountered. Everyone is so human, so ordinary and yet extraordinarily lovable and worthy. I mourned the many years that I have not learned to love myself and everyone around me in this unconditional way.
After that, I continued to deepen my work in self-love and self-care. I still read posts by my dating coach Giordana Toccacelli who teaches women to go deep into their feminine hearts, communicate with the overly protective inner critic, inner little girl who’s insecure or wounded, and finally to embody their highest, most beautiful goddess self in every moment through radical self-acceptance. She often guides mini hypno sessions where I get to visualize communicating with my heart, my inner little girl to process painful memories, forgive past mistakes and relate to people who have made me feel hurt before. I fully agree with Gio, healthy intimacy must begin with our relationship to our own heart.
I am so thankful that I got to incorporate hypnotherapy to heal my heart, family constellation to heal my soul and acupuncture and energy medicine to heal my body. I really wish to share my experience with all these amazing tools with all of you who are seeking a more loving relationship with your hearts, your family, your partners, your friends and beyond.
Please reach out and let’s connect to see if this retreat is the right fit for you.